During the Charging of the Stole at Rev. Oleg’s ordination, I reflected to those gathered about the role of ADF priests, and the way that role relates to the Gods, the Folk, and the Land. In light of those outward, ceremonial reflection, I have also spent some time processing my own experience through this lens.
An ADF Priest is not given the authority of their role by the spirits or the divine. Our authority comes from the Folk. I referred to it throughout the Charging of the Stole as “the gift of obligation and responsibility” that comes with priesthood. We do have an obligation and responsibility to do the work required of priests, to fulfill our oath to service, but in the spirit of reciprocity that is so central to our faith, we have been entrusted to carry out those duties, and that trust is a gift. Our service is a gift to the Gods, Folk, and Land, and that trust that we will do it well is a gift back from them.
During the Charging of the Stole, which is the primary magical work of the Ordination Ceremony, the idea is that the Voice of the Folk is placed in the stole, awakening it, and then the stole is placed on the new priest’s shoulders, granting them not only that Voice, but also the weight of obligation to use it well. Having been through this ceremony myself, and having heard many of our current priests reflect on it, the weight is very real, and far greater than a simple strip of fabric should weigh. During Rev. Oleg’s Charging of the Stole, I specifically asked the Folk to focus their intent on two things: the things they expect of a priest (the obligations), and the blessings they wanted to empower & bouy Oleg with (the gifts). The relationship between the Folk and the Priest is a ghosti relationship, and one that is mutually beneficial. We support and aid each other.
This reflection on the Gift of Obligation expands into my own work as well. Having taken on the role of Archdruid, I knew going in that leadership would be lonely. I knew going in that I would experience a similar shift in perceptions and relationships that I did when I became a priest. However, maybe I was naive enough to think that since I went in forewarned this time, that I would be better able to navigate it.
Summerland this year was a mixed bag for me. I deeply appreciated the connections and conversations, and I certainly left with it being a good restorative experience. The first three months of my Archdruid tenure has involved a very steep learning curve, where I’ve felt like I’m losing my spirituality because the bureaucracy is swallowing me whole. Or maybe chewing me up and spitting me out. I’m not sure what metaphor I want to use there. Suffice to say, it’s been a lot. The Summerland community, fellowship, land, and rituals really helped to remind me what ADF is. Who the people are. Why I do this work. But it was also a profoundly lonely experience as well. Again, I knew relationships and perceptions would shift after I took on this role, but this is the first big community gathering since my Installation, and I really felt that leadership barrier around me.
I can’t separate myself from my roles, especially for people that have only known me with those hats and identities. But I was fighting with it during this festival. My identity is multi-faceted, and it’s really hard to not feel lonely when someone only sees one part of you and assumes or interacts with you as though it’s the whole of you. I’m more than Rev. Jan, more than a priest, more than AD. I’m more than a teacher, a bard, a fire tender, a crisis call, a spiritworker, a ritual leader. I’m more than a friend, a parent, a care giver, a care receiver, a silly goose, a compassionate listener. I’m all of those things and more. And this weekend while I was restored by being reminded that ADF is more than the administrative tasks and has many more valuable facets, I was left feeling unseen as the multi-faceted person I am and relegated to just a few parts here and there.
There are so many gifts in the work that I’m doing, and so many obligations. It’s not a thing I feel the need to abandon or turn my back on. It’s not a regret. I just need to acknowledge that while it is beautiful and lovely, it is also heavy and lonely, and hear those all those feelings be validated.
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Mist to Open. Mists to Bind. 