We all have times of crisis in our lives, but it is not that crisis that defines us. Rather it is how we respond to that situation and how we cope with it. In that moment of crisis, the thing I’ve always felt the most strongly is an overwhelming sense of being alone. I want a connection at those times, but I can’t seem to find one or feel it at all. A fellow priest and friend of mine is fond of saying “when you least feel like praying is when you need it the most,” but sometimes that is so incredibly hard. Sometimes you can’t pray because you don’t have the words. All you can do is cry, and you have nothing to offer but those tears that are flowing freely down your cheeks. Even when you try to pray, you feel no connection and you hear no response back. Rather than succumbing to this despair, feel it from new perspective. When all you hear is silence in response to your most desperate prayers, perhaps it is because you are being held and rocked. No words are needed.
Kindreds, hear my prayer:
I don’t know where I am right now
I’m lost in body, mind and soul.
All I bring with me, all I carry now
Is sadness, tears, and an overwhelming sense of loss.
I can offer only what I have, no more than that.
Please, take what I bring, take what I carry,
And know that it comes from the depth of my soul.
Times like these, when I least feel like praying,
I come to you, and I open myself to you.
Please, Kindreds, hear me!
Your silence is all I hear from you now
As you hold me, rock me, and cradle me.
You are my shoulder to cry on,
My arm to lean on,
My ear to whisper to.
So, as I come to you
Offering the best I have in this moment,
Growing fearful that I can no longer hear your voice,
I know that you hold me, and rock me without words.
I know as I sob out, aching for comfort, to you,
you hear me Kindreds, as I am cradled in your silence.