Sarah: my friend, my community member, my D&D player… I will miss her a lot. I was asked to officiate her funeral (which I’ve included below). It’s really hard, though truly meaningful, to officiate a funeral to someone you were close with. It meant that my own grieving took the backseat. I grieved while writing this service. I grieved privately. I grieved at Summerland.

Sarah gave so much to the world. She loved fiercely and cared fiercely. And I will miss her.

If you’d like here’s her obituary.

Funeral Service for Sarah

Opening:

Hello, beloved community.  My name is Rev. Jan Avende, and on behalf of her family and friends, we gather together to honor, remember, bid farewell to Sarah Carey.   As we light this fire here at the center; a light in the darkness, breathe deeply, and remember the love you have for Sarah, as we begin our ceremony.

When we are born, we are born of the Earth, and as life cycles on, our bodies must eventually return to Her.  Throughout our lives the Earth supports us and nourishes us, and when the time comes for our death, She receives us. Sarah had not only this grounding in the Earth as a part of the cosmos, but also the grounding of knowing that she was part of this world.  She was fully present in the way she interacted with the world.  She was embedded in her communities and beloved by them.  She knew that the work she was doing was important, and threw herself into that work with all her passion and compassion.

Readings:

Reading 1: Hávamál 77-78

Experience and the Hávamál alike tell us that each life must have an ending. It is not fair, and yet the time comes for us all when we must travel to the Halls of our Ancestors. This reading from the Hávamál exemplifies the way we can hope to live our lives, as Sarah did, with good will and honor. 

Cattle die, and kinsmen die,
And so one dies one’s self;
But a noble name will never die,
If good renown one gets.

Cattle die, and kinsmen die,
And so one dies one’s self;
One thing I know that never dies,
The fame of a dead man’s deeds.

Remembering Sarah

Sarah was a bright light in this dark world.  She embodied community care and what it means to show up for each other, for marginalized communities, whether she was personally part of them or not.  Let us hear now of her deeds: her life and her legacy. 

Eulogies

David:

I first met Sarah 33 years ago. We were traveling in her mother’s van to go to Chuck-E-Cheese for her birthday. After being introduced as Christina’s boyfriend, she let me know in no uncertain terms that she did not like me dating her cousin. Sarah was born July 5th, 1986 to Webb and Blanche Carey. I got the privilege of watching her grow up. And to be a part of her life. Sarah loved Science and Technology. Growing up, we shared the love of music. And I taught her to play ttrpgs like Dungeons and Dragons. Sarah graduated from Fairlawn High School in 2005. And soon after moved to Columbus. 

It was then that Sarah started living her truth, and was able to be fully herself. You see, Sarah was trans and living with that truth was difficult. It was never easy, and the hardships she faced were not fair. She had the strength to face that difficulty head on. Even her religious belief brought adversity. As Sarah was a practicing Pagan and served that community at festivals and Pagan Pride days. She worked at Big Sandy Superstore as an inventory clerk. She enjoyed traveling to different stores and the challenges posed there.

Sarah volunteered with First Aid Central Ohio, an organization that provides first aid and hydration support for protests and community outreach in Columbus. This organization was near and dear to her heart. She spoke highly of the organization and the work she did with them. She even had plans to go to school this fall to get her EMT license.

Sarah was also a member of Trans Ohio, a non-profit organization that serves the Trans and Allied Community in Ohio. Sarah’s hobbies were gardening, video games, and playing ttrpgs. She loved her garden, and from what I saw, it will provide a bounty. 

Sarah didn’t just play video games she devoured them. She would talk about the story’s implications, and if it had multiple endings, she would give a deep dive on which one was best. Yes. When it came to playing Dungeons & Dragons, she would give detailed explanations of her character builds and would regale the stories of what happened in the session, like a storyteller speaking of the myths and legends of yore. If someone had a question about the game or certain aspect, even if she did not know it in the moment, she would do the research and have an answer at the next game session. Sarah was highly intelligent. She had an understanding of computers and tech that I will never understand.

In fact, when she spoke to me on such subjects it was so hard for me to keep up. She might as well have been speaking a foreign language. In fact, she taught herself to speak German. And he even went to Germany to attend a music festival and visit with friends.

Sarah was also a smart aleck. She had a quick wit. Her sense of humor was silly and absurd. In a recent text thread with our gaming group, someone asked when one of the older members was born. She quickly replied, 1776. Once she got you with one of her quips, she would give you that laugh and smile that would light the darkest night. 

Now, before I have you believing that Sarah is a prime candidate for Sainthood, let me tell you that she was hard-headed. If Sarah set her mind to something, nothing sure of a brick wall would change her mind. Even if there was an easier or better way. She could not read a room. Sarah would say what was on her mind with no thought of how it might be taken.

Sarah never asked for more of her family than love and acceptance. And in return for that acceptance she was patient, forgiving, and gracious. Sarah was a warrior in the truest sense of the word. She was strong physically and mentally, and she used that strength to stand up for herself and others. Her presence and voice to those that were in marginalized communities. She was a champion of social justice.

Bruce Lee is quoted as saying: “Do not pray for an easy life. Pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.” I do not know if Sarah ever said that prayer. But I do know she was given that strength and warmth. Sarah’s harbor in all of this were her family, both biological and chosen. Her friends and community. Sarah never wanted to be the center of intention. In fact, gathered here today as we are. She would be embarrassed. Yet, you’ve already given the greatest gift she could have given you. You showed up. 

On behalf of her family: Web. Blanche. Paula. Tiffany, John. Her Aunt Peggy. Christina. Laura. Jennie, Domyneik, Blayton, and myself. Thank you. Thank you for loving Sarah and being a part of her life. That you will all carry her memory. For what is remembered lives.

What is Remembered, Lives.

Tiffany:

There are a thousand stories I could share about my big sister. Some of them are funny, and some of them are sad. Memories and moments I will for a lifetime hold in my heart. Siblings. We fight and we play. We poke at each other and we laugh and we tease. And we fight for each other and there wasn’t anyone I wouldn’t fight for her. Not in all of our years. But I think that today if I’m gonna share something of her with all of the people who knew, and loved her, I will share what is probably the most pivotal moment for us: The first birthday after she told me who she was.

I didn’t have a lot of money back then. I was in my senior year in high school, and she was in Columbus going to college. So, I asked her for her birthday if we could go shopping. I wanted to help her figure out what she might like. She was excited, and so was I. So she had me over for the weekend, and we spent it together. We hung out and we shopped. And I don’t know, honestly, if I was really, actually, being very helpful. Because we discovered pretty quickly that we have very different styles. But it was still fun, and it was the start of us really finding connection with each other. The very foundation of our future. Our Sisterhood. 

I always wanted to be close with her, and this was its true beginning. I share this because I know I am lucky. As adults life can move so quickly, and I know that far too often, it has a way of drifting us apart. So, I know that I am lucky. Because for us, it drew us closer. We were present in each other’s lives, even when I was half a world away. Every year, we drew closer and stronger. And that is not often the case, as I know far too well. So, I know that I’m lucky. We got to be close and we got to share our lives with each other. We supported and we loved each other. Sarah was truly a special woman.

She was kind, and she was courageous. She was strong, and she was loving. She stood up for others. And she loved to care for her community and her family. And I will always be grateful for every moment we had together. And I will mourn every moment we should have gotten. Especially the summary and rundowns of all of your tabletop sessions. I live vicariously through those through you on those. 

Sarah, I love you. And I will carry you in my heart for all of my days. It was an honor to have you as my sister and to be yours. And I miss you always. Thank you all so much for coming. I know how much it would have meant to her. And I know how much she loved all of you.

What is Remembered, Lives.

Nicole:

“For Sarah”

Chunky spiked boots to pierce the tongues
Of any fascist craving rubber soles. 
Facing off with a Proud Boy on the state house lawn, 
beaming Joy from under your mask. 
What would be perfectly Anonymous BlackBloc 
if it weren’t for your watercolored sleeve 
of rainbow ACAB and anarchist tattoos. 
A fruit, bringing fruit to the comrade cookout 
because it made you laugh every time.
This is how I knew you. 

Is it quieter, where you’ve gone? 
Are there whistles, Crackling police scanners, Signal 
notifications? Can you still see us 
Through the smoke and smog? 
Are you safe n sound, or like we say in Flavortown 
safe n sexy? 
Are you, like us, in an amorphous amphitheater?
Rewatching the moments 
you became “Community Care,” 
Turned a nebulous call to “show up” 
into well-defined concrete, as tangible and consistent 
as potholes and traffic cones. 
How did you do it? Keep the echo vibrating?

When the coroner and his escort came, 
it felt like betrayal to let a cup through your front door. 
Did he even recognize his own worst fear, 
grieving gays, sipping Molotov cocktails? 
We stripped your sheets. 
The neighbor wailed from her porch. 
We hugged your medic pack 
like we might squeeze your life 
back under its shoulders.

You carried every type of gauze that exists, 
I’m pretty sure. And gave backpack tours 
to anyone who even thought about 
wondering what’s inside. 
You utilized the fuck out of those pockets, girl. 
I’ll keep your carabiner in mine,
in case you ever want to tag along. 
Always safe, but even more dangerous.

What is Remembered, Lives.

Liz:

An act of service. An act of love. These acts are the praxis of solidarity in building and supporting a community. These acts are what Sarah lived and lived for. Empowering and strengthening anyone and everyone who had the privilege to be blessed with her endearing presence. She was always without straying a humble helper and a fierce fighter fervently teaching us all what it means to be a comrade. 

She cared so very deeply about her community and comrades consistently showing up to help and support others, often with great risk to her own well-being, but never once hesitating to be of assistance. May we each go forth and fighting despair, carrying her bright light to guide us. Maybe we each go forth as a comrade to our communities in her name, carrying her spirit to protect us. Rest in power dear comrade. We will keep you with us as we move the struggle forward.

Sarah was my big sister. She was my chosen family. A helper, an educator, a protector, and a familial companionship that graced us with so many beautiful things, allowing me to have peace, calm, and safety of my struggle and just the support and strength to keep living and keep fighting.

At the end of 2023 she quite literally saved my life. When I fell unconscious during a severe medical episode and nearly froze to death. I owed her a deep debt of gratitude from then on. When we moved in together a bit thereafter I knew that our bond was irreplaceable. And our family, and our familial love for each other all the more enduring. 

This past year, I witnessed Sarah’s happiness as she worked many hours building a beautiful garden in our backyard. I watched as she carried a newfound glow after applying, and being accepted, into the medic program at Columbus State, where she was due to start classes just this month. 

And I felt her exuberance once she returned from volunteering week long at the Starwood Festival. These are some of the many blessings I’ve heard that I am so thankful that I was present for, and will forever hold dear. 

The house is eerily quiet now. The energy has gone sour. I am deeply, deeply heartbroken and I am deeply, deeply saddened by our loss. But as much as the heartbreak inside threatens to bring me down, she will not let me get defeated as long as I carry her strength with me. As much as it feels like the world should stop, it cannot be allowed, for she gracefully has our backs, and pushes us forward.

My beloved sister, Sarah. Rest easy knowing you were cherished by so many. Rest easy knowing the beaming positive effect you’ve had on us all.  Rest easy knowing that you will guide us until we join you in Valhalla. 

Rest in peace, my dear sister. Gute Nacht, Wotanstochter.

What is Remembered, Lives.

Toasts

We often say that “what is remembered, lives.” This is echoed in the Hávamál when we hear “Cattle may die, and kin may die, but the one thing that never does is the legacy of our deeds.”  Though each life must eventually end, it is the way we have lived that is remembered.  It is through our actions and our deeds in life that our legacy lives on.  Sarah was part of, and beloved, by so many communities.  This love is no act of chance: she was fiercely protective of those in her life.  Those in her communities became her people, her kith and kin. She embodied the reciprocal spirit of the Germanic traditions: that we give as we are able and receive as we need. She never hesitated to give to her community, and when she had need we were there to hold her up.  

So let us hold her up now.  Let us recount her deeds.  Let us recount the ways that she touched and influenced our lives.  

For this portion, we will pass a horn as is traditional. (One horn has mead, the other water.  Choose whichever is appropriate for you) Each person will have the opportunity to make a toast.  This can be a short sharing of memory, a deed you want to highlight for the Ancestors welcoming her home.  You can also simply say “Hail, Sarah!” or touch the side of the horn.  After each toast we will respond with “What is remembered, lives”

[toast]

What is remembered, lives.

Sending Sarah Onward

Calling to the Disir:

With Sarah’s memories shared, we call out now to the Dísir, the Ancestors who will welcome her.  We call out now to those beloved dead and ancestors who have gone before. 

You know the bright path, you know the way: Sarah comes to join you now.  
As she journeys to Helheim, to the Realm of the Dead, 
we know that those halls are brightened as another soul is welcomed.  

While one of ours has passed, and we are heavy with mourning,
we ask for you to light the fires for Sarah, that her way is clear.  
Prepare those golden halls for her, set a great feast,
and spread wide your arms to envelop her in your warmth and welcome.  
For we know that while we, her community, are now one less, 
that you, Beloved Dead, are now one more.  
All that we are, you have been.  

We too will one day set our feet upon this road,
and until that time we pray that the tears may be few, 
the memories strong, and our joy renewed.  

Calling to Hela:

We also call to those deities important in Sarah’s faith and in her life.

In the Germanic traditions, there is a Goddess who watches over the Dead.  Who tends them and helps to welcome them home amongst their Ancestors.  This Goddess is Hela, and we will call out to her now, knowing that Sarah will soon be arriving in her realm, in Helheim.

Take a moment to envision the image of Hela: She rests nobly in her high seat, dressed in red and black (how fitting) satin, which shimmers in the light of a hearth fire.  Half her body is that of a beautiful maiden, and the other half like that of the dead.  Her face is in shadow, and those flickering hearth flames reveal her ever changing visage.  She is the embodiment of life and death, balanced between them both and guarding the transition.  We call out to her now, to be with us as she await’s Sarah’s arrival to her realm. 

Hela, Goddess of the Underworld,
You who rule all nine realms of the dead,
We call out to you now!

Mother of Bones, Lady of Tears,
As Sarah passes from this realm, we lay our burdens at your feet,
Our grief, our sorrow, our pain, our anger –
All fitting offerings – for you know well the love from which they come.

We offer you our honor and respect
As the caregiver and provider for our beloved ancestors.
We know the Dead will always be free from hunger and thirst at your table.

Hela, Goddess of Death and Keeper of Souls, 
We ask for you to prepare a mighty feast for Sarah, 
And be ready to welcome her into your Hall.

Calling Sarah’s Allies – Wotan

With Hela called, we now turn our attention to the deity most important in Sarah’s life, and central to guiding the dead to their destinations – Wotan.  

Take a moment to envision the image of Wotan: He stands steady, garbed in a traveler’s cloak.  In one hand he holds a staff, and in the other a lantern raised high.  Upon his shoulders sit two ravens, black iridescence glimmerings in the glowing mist that surrounds them. We call out to him now, to be with us ashe prepares to guide Sarah on her way:

Wotan, All-father! Lord of Wisdom and Keeper of Thought & Memory.
You are the Grey-hooded Wanderer, who travels the unknown and finds the way.
You guided the movements of Sarah’s life, and we ask that you now guide her in death.
With your one eye, full of wisdom, gazing onward, 
and your lantern held aloft to show the path – show her the way.

Lord of Wit and Wisdom; Lord of Knowledge and Vision,
Sarah drew on your blessing in her time with us:
Puzzling out solutions; searching for justice; embodying hospitality.
Be with her now. Protect her on her journey.
Bring her to that joyful place amongst her Ancestors, and give her a seat at your table.

Directions for the Journey:

Sarah, we speak to you now, that you may know the way to travel.  That you may be reminded of the steps to take and the waypoints along the way.  

Set your feet upon the Helvegr, and know that your travel will take you down to the north.  You will travel through darkness and mist, moving down and to the north.  Around and down the roots of Yggdrasil, down and to the north.  In your path you’ll see the river Gjöll.  Set your eye upon the bridge Gjallarbrú, and make your way across, down and to the north.  In the distance you’ll see the Gates to Helheim, with the hound Garmr standing guard.  Listen for the sounds of celebration and good cheer.  Helheim is rich with hospitality, good food, and good drink. It is where the dead are welcomed and live on. Your Ancestors have prepared the way for you, and you will be able to pass – pass into their care and be welcomed home.  

Ancestor Prayer:

Sarah, go now with our love:

When you were born,
The earth became your body,
The stone became your bone,
The sea became your blood,
The sun became your eye,
The moon became your mind,
The wind became your breath.

As you pass on,
May your breath become the wind,
Your mind go to the moon,
Your eye look down from the sun,
Your blood flow in the sea,
Your bone become the stone,
And your body be present in all the earth.

Closing:

Memory is what makes us immortal, and with that in mind I would ask each of you to remember the stories you heard here today, and to commit to, at some point in your life, telling a story about Sarah to someone in your life who has never met her.  It can be a personal story, or a retelling of one you heard here today.  Hold fast to the stories, light them as if they were candles in the dark, and spread them like wildfire.  Let Sarah’s light brighten the world through your words.