The Waters of Your Soul

As a follow-up to my post earlier this week, I’m sharing a song that I wrote.  I jokingly call it the “Pastoral Counseling Song” sometimes, but it is about finding a place of hope and knowing that everything will be okay when you feel lost, alone, and empty.  I wrote this after following a conversation about holding space for someone, and how oftentimes they cry.  I have a hard time dealing with crying in front of other people.  It makes me feel vulnerable and silly.  But, on further reflection and discussion, tears are the most beautiful thing that someone can give you when you’re holding space with them.  We all hold sacred waters within us, and we are children of the earth.  If our eyes are windows to the soul, then our tears are the Waters of our Soul bubbling up and over as we process through our emotions.  When you cry, you are giving the best of yourself up to the Kindreds.  Even though you feel empty, you are giving what you have left.  And knowing that you’ve given the best of yourself in that moment and you will feel fulfilled again.
 
“All Things Are Sacred”
~Rev. Jan Avende
 
When you feel like your soul is empty:
When you feel like you can’t go on:
When you feel like this life is over:
Call on me.
Call on.
 
When you’ve let go all you can let go:
When you’ve let go all of your tears:
When you’ve let go your everything:
Call on me.
Call on
 
You should know that all things can be offered.
You should know that all things are sacred.
You should know that you’ve given the best
Of yourself
And it’s enough.
 
Even when the best of you is broken,
Even when you’re feeling small
Even when there’s nothing left inside you,
I am here.
I am here.
 
So take heart and know that you have given.
So take heart and know that I have heard.
So take heart and give me all your sorrow.
(I’ll) Fill you up.
I’ll fill you up.
 
I see the Waters of your soul are streaming
They spring forth and overflow.
I will hold this space for you
In the palm of my hand.
 
So remember, it’s okay to be empty.
So remember that you’ve given your best
So remember that at the end of the day
I’ll fill you up.
And you’re enough
 
You should know that all things can be offered.
You should know that all things are sacred.
You should know that you’ve given the best
Of yourself
And it’s enough.
 
It’s enough.
It’s enough.
It’s enough.
It’s enough
You’re enough.

Cradled in Silence

We all have times of crisis in our lives, but it is not that crisis that defines us.  Rather it is how we respond to that situation and how we cope with it.  In that moment of crisis, the thing I’ve always felt the most strongly is an overwhelming sense of being alone.  I want a connection at those times, but I can’t seem to find one or feel it at all.  A fellow priest and friend of mine is fond of saying “when you least feel like praying is when you need it the most,” but sometimes that is so incredibly hard.  Sometimes you can’t pray because you don’t have the words.  All you can do is cry, and you have nothing to offer but those tears that are flowing freely down your cheeks.  Even when you try to pray, you feel no connection and you hear no response back.  Rather than succumbing to this despair, feel it from new perspective.  When all you hear is silence in response to your most desperate prayers, perhaps it is because you are being held and rocked.  No words are needed.  
 
Kindreds, hear my prayer:
I don’t know where I am right now
I’m lost in body, mind and soul.
All I bring with me, all I carry now
Is sadness, tears, and an overwhelming sense of loss.
I can offer only what I have, no more than that.
Please, take what I bring, take what I carry,
And know that it comes from the depth of my soul.
 
Times like these, when I least feel like praying,
I come to you, and I open myself to you.
Please, Kindreds, hear me!
Your silence is all I hear from you now
As you hold me, rock me, and cradle me.
You are my shoulder to cry on,
My arm to lean on,
My ear to whisper to.
 
So, as I come to you
Offering the best I have in this moment,
Growing fearful that I can no longer hear your voice,
I know that you hold me, and rock me without words.
I know as I sob out, aching for comfort, to you,
you hear me Kindreds, as I am cradled in your silence. 

The Love of the Sea and the Moon

Once, long ago, the sea was always dark and still as bath water. The moon was calm, with a gentle smile for all who dwelt below her. As the sea grew and swelled he took note of the moon, and thought how beautiful she would be if she would just turn her face completely to the earth.

When the moon was full in her power she glowed with the brilliance of a thousand, thousand stars, all bunched together in joyous dance. The sea was deeply in love with the moon; her brilliance stunned him.  He called out to her with his mightily roaring waves: a declaration of his love. He rushed up the shores, stretching up to meet her. The moon beckoned to the sea, calling him forth, for she also loved him. She adored watching his deep-blue, inky depths brighten to startling ceruleans and teals in her light. She grew even brighter trying to penetrate his depths.

The stars, in the court of the moon, called out to the sea to come join them for their mistress’s sake. The moon dimmed the specks of light around her and snuffed out their sparks in her longing for the sea; she grew ever brighter until finally she had turned to face the earth completely. She ached for the sea to be near her. And so he tried. Every night he lapped at the shores of the land, striving ever towards the sky. Striving to lift himself up to the beautiful moon so that he might join her and her consort of brilliance in their dance.

But then, with each passing day she grew less and less bright. A darkness began to overcome her as she started to lose hope that her lover, the sea, would ever reach her, though he tried desperately every night. Her consort of stars, they grew brighter each night, trying to bring her hope, but still she faded until there was but a small sliver of light left. The sea rushed up futilely against the shore, calling out with his crashing waves for her to come back to him. He pulled himself up ever higher, but still couldn’t reach the sky. Then the moon’s light went out.

The sea sank back down into his watery depths, letting his sorrows be heard in whispering cries as he left the shores of the earth. Desperately he called out one last time, barely daring to hope. The moon, hearing her love in such heartache and pain, turned her face back to him and gave just the ghost of a smile.

This glimmer of her face was enough to give the sea back his hope. With renewed energy he strove towards the shore, this time determined that he could push his waters to leap into the sky. The moon, as she looked down upon him, saw something she’d never seen before: there was her face, with its small, sad smile, resting upon the cresting waves of the sea. She brightened a bit then, and seeing her smile grow in her lover’s arms, poured her heart into her brilliance. She called out to the sea, and he saw now as she did: her love and light was reflected in his depths, and his deep, blue devotion was reflected in the skies all around her.

So now, each night, the sea rushes up the shores to meet the moon and the moon shines down on the sea. They join together in their own brilliant dance of push and pull, ebb and flow, of silver and blue across the sky and rippling waves.

 

Rekindling the Fire in our New Home

So, Thom and I closed on our house this week.  First time homeowners, yeah!  It’s a been a crazy ride, and we’re so happy and excited.  To prepare of the move, I’ve had to think about how I wanted to handle some of the religious and spiritual things.  I wanted to do something to mark the “claiming of the land” or similar.  Something to say “this is our new home” in the context of my path.  What I eventually decided on, after much deliberation and feeling at a loss for words, was to douse all of my flames the night before, and then light them again at the new house.  My hearth flame would be the first thing across the threshold.

I currently am the tender for the Hellenic Kin’s flame in ADF.  So, I didn’t want to douse that one formally since it belongs to the wider community, so I gave it into the care of MJD (complete with prayer to say), who is keeping it for a few days for me until we’re settled.  The rest of my flames I lit Monday evening.  Called to Hestia as I always do, and made offerings.  I said how I’d be extinguishing the Fires here, and how I looked forward to rekindling them in our new home.  Then I doused them all in the water I had purified earlier in the ritual.

It was really weird to have a night in that liminal space, without the fires of my hearth.  Even weirder was to wake up the next morning and not have a fire as I did my morning devotional.  After we signed all the paperwork and got the keys, Thom and I drove over to our new home.

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I called out to Hestia and kindled her flame on the front porch.

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Then I walked, lantern in hand, across the threshold, and brought the Fire into our home.  It was powerful.  I walked the flame through each room of the house, inviting Hestia to warm and brighten each space for all those who live or visit there.  I called out to the Agathos Daimons, the house spirits, and made offerings to them.  I let them know that we’d be living there with them, and to be welcome around my Fire, and that I’d make good offerings to them.

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I then walked the perimeter of the property with the lantern and with barley.  I called out to the spirits of the land and made offerings as I walked.  I invited them to stay and be welcomed by my Fire, but also let them know that if they chose to leave their would be no hard feelings, and they should feel free to disperse.

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Then I went into the kitchen, to the place I had already chosen would be the household altar, and set up my simple flame, well, and tree/omphalos.  I thanked Hestia for joining me in this new home and thanked the spirits of the house and the land for listening to my words.  I let them know more offerings and prayers would be forthcoming through then coming days and months, and that I looked forward to building a relationship with them.

It was a very powerful experience.  Moving from the light of my home, to the darkness of between, and then back into the light at our new home.  We’d done a couple walk throughs during the process of buying, and so we were familiar with the layout and everything.  But it was amazing, the way the addition of my hearth goddess and her flame, and introducing myself to the spirits there really made that big empty house feel like home.

Trance-Along: Finding a Shared Space

We’ve decided to begin trying to build a shared space for the Trance SIG in ADF.  We are to looking for keys, or images, or signs that will help us to identify and create a shared space for our trance work.  Our first trance-along journey was done during this past new moon (and the day on either side of it).  The idea is to do trance-work as a group like this once a month during this time.

Here’s my write-up from this inaugural trance along with the Trance SIG.  In general it was very restless feeling, and an unusual landscape for me (I usually don’t go underground, or to places that are particularly dry.  This was both.  So, here we go:

In a desert landscape full of sandy soil and thigh-high and sharp grasses.  It felt very alien and unfamiliar.  I feel like I spent a lot of time wandering aimlessly through the grasses, without wanting to touch them.  Sometimes traveling by walking, and sometimes traveling by burrowing through the sandy soil.  It was surprisingly easy to dig through and allowed the forming of intricate tunnels and burrows. The burrows and tunnels seemed to stretch on infinitely, like I could spend a very long time exploring them, and digging more to get to where I need to go.  There were scratched symbols at some of the places where tunnels split, but I couldn’t make out any exact symbols.  I felt extremely comfortable in the tunnels.

Oddly, whenever I went underground I could just barely catch hints of what sounded like 8-bit video game music.  (Weird).  When I came up from the burrows I could see the sky.  Dark dark black, with way fewer starts that I expected to see in comparison to how dark the sky was.  They were very bright white pinpricks.  Some were very static in there place, and some were little splashes of swirling pinpricks.  The sky is very heavy.  Feels almost crushing.  Like I don’t want to be out in the open for too long.

Later in the trance there were little cyclones touching down in the grass and sand.  Small, little whirlwinds that were making shallow holes where the touched down, and spitting up bits of grit and sand.  They didn’t seem to be traveling at all, but rather touching down, remaining in place for a while, and then dissipating.

Most of the landscape felt very abandoned.  At three separate instances there were horses, or maybe some form of very large deer?  They clearly used to be domesticated, but weren’t so much anymore and were trying to return to being wild, but weren’t quite there yet.  The horses just ran across the landscape, close to me, maybe 2 or 3 arms lengths away. Just into my field of visions and out again.  Alone each time.  It was like they were trying to rung rom something, but not with fear, and were also trying to get somewhere, and with a very distinct and purposeful gait.

There was also something prowling and rustling in the grasses, circling around me.  I suspect this was my Lynx friend, but she didn’t show herself, which is unusual for her when I’m doing journey work, especially to new places.  So that was weird.

Anyways, that’s what I got.  I could see either exploring the tunnel further or perhaps following the paths the horses took, since they seem to be cutting throughout he grasses and making the way less treacherous.

For reference, I use polyrhythmic auditory confusion as my go-to method for entering trance.

Introduction to a New Deity

An important part of our relationship with the deities revolves around *ghosti and hospitality.  Part of hospitality is a politeness when you are first meeting someone.  A good way to meet new people is through mutual friends, and having one introduce you to the other.  This is similar to the way a relationship with a deity can develop. A devotee, or someone else who has familiarity with a deity can act as a liaison or intermediary to help forge a new bond.
This is structured to allow the devotee to call out to the deity and honor them with words and offerings, and then to introduce them to the new person who wishes to work with them.  They use their personal authority to encourage the deity that as they make offerings, there are others who also wish to do so.  The new person then speaks, and makes their first offering to the deity, asking them to come to them and begin to grow that bond so that they may continue to worship the deity.
Devotee:
[Deity], hear me!
[insert appropriate invocation and words of praise]

[Deity], I come here on behalf of [person].

They wish to develop a relationship with you,
And come bearing gifts.
As I have worked with you, honored you, and praised you,
I ask now that you turn your attention to [person].
They wish to work with you, honor you, and praise you.
[person]
[Deity], I am [name],
and I come with gifts for you.
*make offering*
Come to me so that we get to know each other
and so that I may work with you, honor you, and praise you.

Making Sacred Ink

For the Full Moon honoring Hepheastos, the Smith God and Crafter, we will be making ink from the ashes left from our burnt offerings and the Waters gained the Return Flow.  This ink can then be used focusing the intent for other magical work, from sigil work to staining divination tools to spelled tablets or prints.
Items Needed:
1 part ash from burnt offerings
1 part water from Return Flow
1 drop white vinegar (optional for ink stability)
bowl that can be stained (for mixing)
hard-bristled brush (for mixing)
To being mixing the ink put the ash in the bowl, add the water.  Each person participating in the working will stir and mix the ink with the brush while saying the charm below (the charm can then also be said when reconstituting the mixture or making more).  When it looks like ink, mix in a drop of vinegar, and you’re done.
CHARM:
Great and Mighty Hephaestos, Master of the Tempering Flame
Sooty God, who is famed in many crafts,
Renowned metal-smith and skillful worker,
Inventive and Resourceful One,
Your fame and glory resound with each strike of your hammer on anvil.
I have made offerings, consumed by the Fire.
My gifts have risen on smokey pillar to the Heavens above.
All that remains here is charcoal and ash.
Take what is left, Skillful Creator,
Take the leavings, the forgotten, the dross
And guide my hands in finding use for this too.
Now mix your magic with mine
as I seek to create tools from the discarded.
Ash from the Sacred Fire,
   *put ash in the bowl*
Water from the Holy Well,
   *put water in the bowl*
Bound now together as I chant these words:
   *begin stirring and mixing as you chant.  repeat as necessary until it is well mixed*
Aithaloeis Theos! Sooty Hephaestos!
Grant me your skill as I mix this ash!
Polymetis! Resourceful Hepheastos!
Grant me your skill as I mix this ash!
Klytoteknes! Famed in Crafting Hepheastos!
Grant me your skill as I mix this ash!
Polyphron! Ingenius and Inventive Hephaestos!
Grant me your skill as I mix this ash!
   *once ink is made, add drop of vinegar if desired to stabilize the mixture*
With this ink thus created
Let me not forget the power of sacrifices made.
Let me not forget the power of Hepheastos, the Crafter,
In his ability to create powerful tools
From even those things considered useless or waste.
With this ink, I may now focus my intent for future tasks.

Indra Wins the Waters

“Indra Wins the Waters”

 
This playlet was written for the children’s programming for
Three Cranes Grove 2015 Spring Equinox Ritual honoring Indra.
 
Lexile: 680L (late 3rd grade, early 4th grade reading level) 
 
Cast:
OFFICIANT: The person who is doing the Return Flow portion of the Ritual
INDRA: The Vedic Storm God
VRTRA: The Dragon
CELEBRANTS: The folk at the ritual
STORM-BRINGERS: sounds of the storm (can be the same as the CELEBRANTS if needed)
Optional Cast:
DRAGONS: Vrtra’s family
SACRED COWS: to represent the Waters and Blessings
 
*following the Seer’s pronouncement of a positive Omen*
 
OFFICIANT: These are indeed good omens.
 
OFFICIANT: But you should know that until Indra won the Waters for us, we could not have received these blessings because Vrtra the Dragon hoarded them all for himself and his family.
 
OFFICIANT: Here is Vrtra now, and he is holding onto [omen], [omen], and [omen]. 
 
VRTRA: These gifts are mine! All mine!
 
OFFICIANT: But the people wanted the blessings too, and they knew only the mighty Indra could help them now.  So they called out with one voice: “Indra, Give us the Waters!”
 
CELEBRANTS: Indra! Give us the Waters!
 
OFFICIANT: Listen: Do you hear him coming?  Here comes Indra the Storm-Bringer!
 
*STORM-BRINGERS shake noisemakers as Indra enters the stage*
 
OFFICIANT: In the thundering clouds with his lightning bolt in hand, Indra demands:
 
INDRA: Vrtra! You have to share the blessings!
 
OFFICIANT: Vrtra roars mightily and retorts:
 
VRTRA: No! These gifts are mine! All mine!
 
OFFICIANT: And the people knew Vrtra was going to hold onto those gifts of [omen], [omen], and [omen] with all of his might.  So they again called out: “Indra! Give us the Waters!”
 
CELEBRANTS: Indra! Give us the Waters!
 
OFFICIANT: And Indra heard their plea and prepared to do whatever was necessary to win the waters for the people.  He again shouted to Vrtra:
 
INDRA: Vrtra! You have to share the blessings!
 
OFFICIANT: But Vrtra again roared his denial and shrieked:
 
VRTRA: No! These gifts are mine! All mine!
 
OFFICIANT: Indra grew angry that Vrtra wouldn’t share the blessings with everyone, and as his anger grew, so too did the sound of the storm.
 
*STORM-BRINGERS shake noisemakers*
 
OFFICIANT: The people knew now was the moment.  Now was the time to give Indra all their support.  And so they called out one final time: “Indra! Give us the Waters!”
 
CELEBRANTS: Indra! Give us the Waters!
 
OFFICIANT: The storm rumbled as Indra went into battle with the mighty Vrtra, his lightning bolt held high.  With a flash he struck down Vrtra with his lightning bolt.  The Dragon bellowed as he fell.
 
OFFICIANT: The waters, the blessings, the gifts were now free.  The mighty Indra won them away from Vrtra the Dragon and brought them to us.  
 
*INDRA brings Waters to OFFICIANT*
 
OFFICIANT: These Waters are infused with the blessings of [omen], [omen], and [omen].  “Behold! The Waters of Life!”
 
OFFICIANT: As these Waters are poured out for each of us, remember how they were won for us, and how we sing the praises of the Storm God who won them. 
 
OFFICIANT: See how the gifts of [omen], [omen], and [omen] can flow into our lives.  See how they can flow into our grove.  See how they can flow into our community.  See how you and the world can be renewed and rejuvenated by these Waters so courageously won and freely given.
 
OFFICIANT: Drink deep, Children of Earth, and be blessed!

My Vocational Statement

When did you hear the call to the path of ADF Priesthood? What did it sound like?

When I was first considering what direction to go following the approval of my Dedicant Path documentation I waffled for a long while between the Initiate Path and the Clergy Path.  I talked to current initiates and priests.  I asked questions.  I did divination, journaled, and wrote a lot.  When I asked the counsel of my gods, it was obvious to me: I needed to do the Initiate work.  I didn’t feel ready, and didn’t know that I would ever feel ready, to embark on the path of clergy.  I still felt like I had a call for it then, but it was quiet and I questioned whether it was actually there.  I wanted to do the Initiate work first.  I needed to solidify my own practice before I could truly listen to see if the call was true.

 

The closer I got to completing the course requirements for the Initiate Path, the more I noticed that as I was growing in my own work, the louder the call was getting, and the more insistent.  As my own practice grew, I began seeing places where I could offer my knowledge and skills to those around me.  I feel that, next to walking your walk and owning your path, it is imperative to help others walk their path as well.  I found myself seeing voids in the community, and they were voids that I could fill.  I began leading Full Moon rituals every month, with the focus for those rituals being the magical work that we didn’t really get to do or engage in elsewhere.  It was also a place where I have fostered a “no fail” zone.  I wanted to help others find their voice, the way I felt like I was finding mine.

 

As I reached the final months of journaling for the Initiate Path, my call to the work of the priest solidified.  It felt just as obvious to me as my initial decision to embark on the Initiate Path first.  I knew without a doubt that I needed to first complete that work, and that I could then allow my focus to shift and set my foot upon the path of clergy work.  The paths all merge.  The work of the Dedicant is the first stream.  As it flows along, other rivers join it, bringing with their new waters new inspiration, new knowledge, and wider banks.  The Dedicant stream continues to flow strong in the river of my own Druidry, and will always flow in my river as its headwaters.  It has been joined by the Initiate Current, which brings a deeper understanding and a deeper level of work.  These two rivers flow, their waters mingling, and yet each flowing just as strong, now a single river.  As I encounter new waters, like the work of the Clergy, the river will continue to flow, and grow stronger as all the waters mingle.  My work as a Dedicant is a constant, ever continuing path, as is my work as an Initiate now, feeding the river.  I see the work of a priest the same way: once joined they are ever flowing, becoming just as much an integral part of the river as the other waters.

 

I want to be a priest because I want to help others on their path, whatever that path may look like to them.  I want to provide liturgy to folks who are having trouble coming up with something fitting on their own.  I want to provide my knowledge and skills to those who need them.  I want to help grow our children in our tradition.  I have built my strong foundation, and the pull has intensified.  I understand why so many people refer to it as a “Call.”

 

It is not a loud resounding gong, nor a can I necessarily put my finger on an exact moment that I felt called, but it is a constant and insistent part of my being now.  It is a constant ringing in my ears and a constant throbbing in my being. The clergy serve the gods the folk and the land, and that is what I feel drawn towards, pulled towards, called towards.  I’ve grown in my understanding of this faith community, and I’ve come to realize that what I want to do and who I want to be can’t be done elsewhere.  The sound of the call was when I heard the sound of that need in my community, when people started looking to me in that role, and when I was able to begin seeing myself in that more confident and capable place.  When I understood that by becoming an ordained priest I would be able to answer that call and fulfill that need, it felt right. The call encompasses the sounds of multiple melodic lines weaving together in harmony as the gods, the folk, and the land all sing together in my soul.

 

What form do you expect your vocation to take?

I have been doing a lot of work as an Initiate that has revolves around part of the oath that states “…and with these tools I will lead others to the flame.”  My vocation I expect will continue to reflect this work.  I will be involved in making Our Druidry accessible to any who seek it.  For any who seek the flame, I will act as a guide on their path, aiding where I can, challenging when I need to, and supporting always.  I will be involved in the educational programs that we have (in the form of the DP, IP, CTP, and Guild SPs), and with those that are just now blossoming (such as children’s programming, especially locally). I want to help grow ADF into a church that my children can be a part of and feel connected to from a young age.  I want to help develop programming that engages our new members, particularly those who are being raised in our traditions.  One of the biggest draws to ADF for me is its inclusiveness and family-friendly nature, and I want to help grow that.

 

There is great joy and potential in the balance that exists within ADF between faith and scholarship, between practice and study.  I want to help others see that same joy.  I want to help others in ADF blossom in their practice, and should they decide to embark on the course of higher study within ADF, I want to make sure that the coursework is accessible to them in a way that they can demonstrate their knowledge and understanding. I want to help others feel capable and confident in adapting their hearth culture and practice into the greater whole that is ADF practice. I want to help others find their voice.

 

Do you feel prepared to become an ADF Priest now? Do you see further work that you will need to do to prepare yourself for the work ahead?

I feel as ready as I can without having actually set foot on the path yet.  I know that I am going to run into obstacles and challenges, but I feel confident that while I won’t be prepared in the sense that the challenge wouldn’t have happened, that I am prepared in that I will be able to work with or around the issues that arise.

 

There is always work to do, and there is always room for more growth.  I don’t think I will ever be done learning and improving.  There are always new things to learn, and new things to experiment with.  There are specific experiences that I lack, but that I’m not sure can be gained before ordination.  I’ve never married anyone, though I witnessed folks declare themselves for each other.  I’ve never helped anyone cross the veil, though I’ve sat with those left on this side.  I’ve never done conflict resolution from a religious point of view, though I it do it on a regular basis at my job and amongst my friends.

 

These are life experiences, and I think they simply take time.  I cannot say with certainly how I will handle them when the time comes, but I feel that I have been well prepared, and have a solid support network of my own in the form of current Priests and the Kindreds to draw on when I need help or guidance along the way.

 

Clergy is not all weddings and funerals.  It’s not that glamorous or that that clear cut.  It’s listening and liturgy.  It’s meditation and magic.  It’s the interactions and relationships you develop.  It’s about the day-to-day work – the hundreds of small differences that you are able to make in the lives of those around you.  It’s about fostering a community and growing and tending what you have.  It’s about the thousands of minute details and small-scale actions you take each and every day to serve the gods, the folk, and the land. That I am prepared for.

 

We are all students, and all continually growing beings. There is nothing wrong with, and perhaps even something good about, accepting that the path we walk doesn’t have a clear end and that there is something new around every twist and turn.  I am prepared in this sense, because I have faith that I can handle the experiences that are to come with the skills that I have gained along the way.

Discipline 1

Discipline 1

 

  1. Describe your discipline practice as an ADF Clergy Student. Explain what you have learned from this practice, describe how your connections with the Earth Mother and the Gate Keeper have grown and changed over the time you have worked with them, and reflect on your journals and omens over the period. (min. 600 words)

 

What I’ve learned from this practice:

There are many things that I learned from keeping a regular devotional practice.  A large part of this preliminary building of this practice happened when I was working through the initiate program, and holding to that same level of practice has continued to serve me well as I embarked at the clergy training program.

 

One of the things I learned from building this practice is that I enjoy speaking my prayers out loud.  It sounds simple and perhaps like a no-brainer, but when you’re at your shrine or altar and by yourself, there doesn’t seem to be a need to say anything out loud.  You could theoretically just say it in your head.  But I’ve found that not only do I really enjoy speaking aloud even in my solo rituals, I also get more out of my work and my practice when I engage with my practice verbally.  It brings it more to life for me.

 

Another one of the things I reaffirmed when continuing this practice is that there is true value in regular practice.  I noticed this when I was preparing for initiation and drastically increased the number of full core order rituals I did each week to nearly one a day.  I have backed off a bit from that since then, but it has been more because school started up again and I’m limited in the amount of time I can sacrifice during the school year.  I still do at least one full ritual a week, and try for two to three. I’ve found that the more I pray, the better I feel, and the better I feel the more I desire to pray.  It is a cycle that builds on itself, building my practice and helping me grow in the process.

 

Something new in this practice has been the addition of retreat days.  I’ve enjoyed adding the monthly retreat day to my practice, though I’ve found it more difficult than I was expecting.  Initially I tried to take the whole day and devote it entirely to my spiritual practice. That didn’t go well.  With a child under the age of two, I just couldn’t take that continuous chunk of time away.  I should have remembered going through that same process when my daughter was even younger as I was starting on the Initiate Path.  I relearned, or maybe reaffirmed, that in order for my spiritual practice to work it has to be part of my life, not apart from it.  While it is important to set time aside for just me in my spiritual studies and devotional practice, it is also important to kindle that flame in all parts of my life and let it brighten everything from there.  The following months, as I learned to incorporate the work of the retreat days into my life, began flowing smoother and becoming another part of my spiritual practice.

 

 

How my connections with the Earth Mother and Gate Keeper have grown and changed:

As I started the clergy training program, and began incorporating the Earth Mother and the Gatekeeper into my rites in a different way, a more prominent way, than I had before, I began to see changes in how I viewed them.  Shortly before completing the IP I made the decision that I would pursue the clergy path following my initiation.  So, when I started on the CTP, I began working with the Earth Mother and Gatekeeper I had just met.  They are distinct and different from whom I typically call in ritual to work with in the roles of Earth Mother and Gatekeeper (Gaea and Hekate, respectively).

 

This Earth Mother I met seems to exude an overwhelming sense of soft, warm, and motherly love.  She is less fierce than Gaea, and is who I have started working with in clergy work.  She is her own distinct being, and somehow seems even more all-encompassing, and all-mothery than an individual hearth-centric deity does. I also met, during the course of this work, a much darker and more primordial Earth Mother.  She was awful and haunting and fierce.  She is, I believe, a different being that the Earth Mother I’ve been working on building a closer relationship with. She is much more mysterious than the Earth Mother, and seems to be just a small step past Chaos.   She holds the seeds of potential and shepherds them as a fierce and protective Mother to their fertile soil and into the care of the things or people that will help them grow.

 

The Gatekeeper I’ve been working with throughout the course of this is also the one I met during initiation.  He seemed partially made of mist.  He may have been the inspiration for Manannan, or Manannan for him, but they were clearly not the same being.  He is the Lord of Wisdom and Opener of Ways.  He is a sharp contrast in a lot of ways from my usual way of working with the Gatekeeper, probably in large part because I work with a female Gatekeeper most often in ritual.  When I work with Hekate as a Gatekeeper, there is still that mixing and mingling of magic to do the work. When she walks between the realms, she literally moves between them, and exists fully in each one that she enters, and not existing in multiple realms at once. In working with her, she will guide you from place to place, from realm to realm. However, with the Gatekeeper, he is much more liminal. He can exist in multiple realms at once, and when you work with him, you also are able to drift like the mists and exist in the place between those realms as well as having a feel of existing in multiple realms at once.

 

My reflection on journals and omens from the period of this work:

During each full ritual I did throughout this work I drew an omen, of either 1 or 3 symbols, which was every few days.  One of the things I’ve done to analyze my omens from this period is compile all of the symbols I drew into a frequency graph. A large percentage of those omens contain Eta, Beta, Iota, and Mu (see graph).  Eta is the oath symbol, and while I was working on Divination 2 I found that when I did readings for current priests I almost always pulled Eta in their readings.  Eta literally means: “Helios who watches all, watches you.”  Beta is the helping gods that support you on your path.  Iota and Mu are both work.  Iota is the external work that is done and allows you to pursue excellence.  Mu is the internal work that is done and allows you to make admirable changes within yourself.  I did not drawn Omicron at all throughout the course of taking omens during this time period, which I find both interesting and applicable.  Omicron is literally “There are no crops that are not sown.”  Because I have been doing the work (Iota and Mu), have been supported by the helping gods of my path (Beta), and am keeping my current oaths as I prepare to take another (Eta) I have no need to worry about not having laid the proper groundwork to proceed on my path.

CTP Omens